Passive Aggressive Much?

What is it with people who can't take a hint?  I think I might be one of them.  I have contemplated this enough to know I am one hard headed, pain in the ass.  If I don't get what I want I will turn into one of two things.  Lindsey Lohan at her latest press junket being ever so incredibly passive aggressive.  Or more of a victim than Monica Lewinski being brought into the oval office by Paul Tulley to have a stop and chat with Bill Clinton where he explains how oral sex isn't sex and she should have all of her clothes dry cleaned immediately because he knows somebody who knows a guy who can make the IRS crawl up her ass faster than a cheetah on crack.

I apparently need such a beating with a baseball bat to the back of the head to learn a lesson that I have actually had people try to beat me in the back of the head with a baseball bat.  I'm generally rational but I have a hard time believing any explanation I give myself for why something is not going a certain way.  I think I'm too smart.  Yes, way to smart.  I can read minds, predict events and preemptively stop someone from doing horrible things to me just by eating a swiss cake roll.  Now, I know that sounds far fetched, but have you ever had a swiss cake roll?  I am convinced they have special powers.

As my mother-in-law would say, "You couldn't run that dog off with a shitty mop."  I am definitely that dog when it comes to being right.  I have died on a lot of hills  and I can tell you the best ones have been covered in the blood of someone else's opinions.  I can be downright vicious or cry so hard you think I am  Little Orphan Annie after ten years of changing Daddy Warbucks diapers, feeding him jello and finding out she got dick at the reading of the will.

I have tried though.  I have been to my share of therapy and had my own interventions, but since starting menopause I have realized it's, ok.  Anyone wanna throw a rock at my glass house you go right ahead.  I like the fresh air anyway.  I have embraced my personalities and if you can read minds like me, raise your hand because there are more of us than you know.  As a matter of fact there's more of us than there are of Ashton Kutcher's tweets.

To those of you who think it's cool to tell me the dream you had about how immediately after I find out my son knocked up the first girl he layed that I ran my car into a telephone pole and you have this sinking feeling it may come true .... keep it to yourself.  I know everything already anyway so have a swiss cake roll.  Who does that?!