So this is our 11th move in 13 years. Yes, you did hear that right. My mom once referred to me as a gypsy. Who can argue with that? Not too many people, but I can argue with a brick wall so here goes.
Moving is an adventure that takes a lot of skill. It is not for the faint at heart. It requires a lot of patience and a shear determination to not give a flying shit if any of your valuables get destroyed, because it will happen. I can name everything that has been broken during each move. The year, day, time, why and where we were moving and how it happened. Not that I give a shit because I don't, but if I did, I could tell you that nothing and I mean nothing, is worth more than what money can replace.
I know people say shit like, "My house burned to the ground and I don't care about the furniture it's the things you can't replace." Boo fucking hoo. I know this, when we moved here they valued and insured our CRAP at $90,000. NINETY THOUSAND DOLLARS! If I could have caught up with the guy driving I would have torched that 18 wheeler at the first truck stop. See, we have everything on facebook and instagram, I don't need those pictures or that birth certificate. I can order mine and anyone else's I want, up online before you can say "How would you like that? Twenties or Hundreds." I can assure you, if the shit I have been toting around for the last 13 years is worth $90,000 I can cry it up all the way to Ethan Allen to get the shit I really like.
That being said I'm pretty certain the last group of pseudo moving geniuses were smoking crack when they packed us. Got up here and start unpacking boxes. Everything is labeled "wine glasses". Now I concede that I have dabbled in substance abuse, but I am quite sure that I do not have 18 boxes of something to consume wine out of. "What's in that box? Well, it says wine glasses. Oh, it's books. How about that one? Wine glasses. Oh it's my $30,000 coin collection." Then in the sea of wine glass boxes a loner ... and it's labeled "shoes". Great I have been looking for shoes. Open it up. 3 shoes in it. Not even two pair, but three individual shoes. Are you fucking kidding me? And yes, the rest ... FUCKING WINE GLASSES.
Now, one thing I do recommend is make sure you take the batteries out of everything yourself because if it has batteries they WILL find it. Under the sink in the bathroom or in the night stand, yes they will remove the batteries from your sex toys and call every packer in the house to come see. True story. Who Does That?!
