A week or so I ago I went through some old photographs at my moms. She wanted to get rid of them, but before she did she felt my sister and I should go through them and decide if we wanted any of them. They are photographs of my first dads side of the family. I'm done with calling him the sperm donor. I'm past that and frankly I am far too mature to hold a grudge longer than 40 something years. Everyone makes mistakes, granted some bigger mistakes than others, but I'm just passing through like everyone else, so who am I to judge.
Anyway ... saw some pictures of my first dad when he was a boy and a man and actually enjoyed seeing them. Didn't think another thing about it until I was sitting on my porch alone, with a drink in my hand and an old friend came on my earphones. Pearl Jam ... song Release ... Album Ten. I cried for the first time about my dad in a very, very long time. I have actually been described as stoic and that's okay, but it felt good to let go. I listened to it over and over and over, can't say how many times ... and I held that drink in my hand thinking maybe, you know just maybe I am not as different than him as I hoped to be. And is that a bad thing?
Some say we will meet again one day, maybe sooner than later, I can only keep faith that that is true. That I will have my time to ask my questions and he will want to answer. In the meantime, I'll ride the wave where it takes me.
I will post a link at the end for you to hear the song if you wish. I think it applies to many people in my position, but also folks that may just miss their dads.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpkYIy6UhI4
