Last night I saw about 4 seconds of news before I flipped to the paint drying channel to get some stimulation. Do we really need to report on various objects (shoes, books, etc.) being thrown at our boring ass, mentally challenged, politicians? How about we spice it up a little people. If Obama's face comes up on the TV screen I fall asleep faster than a narcoleptic on dilaudid. I want some funny shit mixed in with the boring stuff. Make something up. We know you do it anyway so ... keep me interested.
What happened to the amusement of turning our presidents into sex crazed, pathological lying, druggies? Now, that was entertaining! Change ... country needs change! BORING! Tell me about the flimflam hustle that was started by the two hookers from Pakistan that Marilyn Manson introduced to Nancy Pelosi at a very innocently planned Tupperware party at Charles Ponzi's great, great granddaughter's house. Now that will keep me watching for the whole half hour.
Is anyone really wondering why we care about Brittany Spears shaving her head or finding out that despite all of our hopes and dreams being hinged on the one thing that was going to make our lives in some way meaningful ... yes, I'm sorry to report, Kim Kardashian's shit really does stink. I know your first urge is to go suck on a 45, but I promise she'll be back up on that pedestal soon. I wonder if these people wake up in the morning feeling like an elephant at Ringling Brothers saying to himself, "If they make me balance on that ball again today I swear to god I'm gonna hijack that cannon and blast a hole bigger than the Todra Gorge through the closest biomedical animal testing laboratory."
I'll tell you why it's happening, pure unadulterated boredom. Everyone has become these repeat whatever I hear or read drones. They can't even stop into a fast food restaurant without announcing that they just got a text from MSNBC that says the milkshakes there are laced with sodium pentathol and the government is recording all of it for their next vacation junket to Bohemian Grove. Where they will all laugh there assess off at the stupid citizens and the things they will admit to doing. Have an original thought, please. So I say stimulate me Obama and not with a check, with some juicy tidbit you spilled at the last State House dinner Truth or Dare game.
One more thing before I go ... I did hear that the good samaritan that alerted the police to the erratic driving of Heather Locklear which caused her DUI arrest, yes, was none other than a paparazzi photographer who sold the arrest pics for $27,000 .... um ... party foul! Who does that?!
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