So, this morning I let my new teenager sleep in and drove him to school on his birthday. As we approached the school, pulling through the line of cars he looks at me and says, " When we stop, I am going to get out of this car and if you say anything, Scream anything, roll the window down and SING ANYTHING, I swear to god, I'm going to hit you." I laughed so hard I peed my pants. It finally happened. He totally gets me and I love it. On top of that ... IT'S ON! People have commented I have no idea what I'm in for, yeah .... well, he has no fucking idea what HE'S in for.
Growing up with my dad was an experiment in mortification. He was constantly scaring us half to death and embarrassing us in front of everyone. I don't think I've ever told him, but they are some of my fondest memories. He would jump out from behind something and scream or quietly stalk you until he got close enough to give you the finger zinger in the rib cage while you were concentrating on homework or doing dishes. One of his favs ... go outside your open window at night with a load of giggling girlfriends in your room, appear there with a flashlight under his chin, making a face only a mother could love and waiting until one of us saw him and screamed. One Halloween he dressed up as Quasimodo and ran around on our roof, jumping down and chasing everyone out of the yard. No one came to our house again.
He would also say completely embarrassing things in front of my friends, of course, all in the name of his "good fun". Had a boyfriend pick me up for a first date once and as we are leaving he says, "Hey Kim, make sure your mom get's that doctor's appointment so you can get that "thing" checked out and get on some birth control." Oh my fucking god! I thought I would crawl under the kitchen table and die. Another time after a friend and I dated a couple of very nice boys who happened to be African American, we were hitting the drive through at the McDonald's for ice cream and as we get up to order he says, "Sorry girls, only vanilla ice cream here, no chocolate." WTF? Really Dad? He amused himself for days with that one.
Needless to say, I learned from the best. And now Bratton will learn as well. He's already had a taste of what I'm capable of. One day he was being an ass on the way to school for no reason and as we pulled up I started singing Charlie Chaplin's Smile incredibly loud, right in front of the group of girls waiting for him as he got out. I did a whole verse before he gave me the finger.
I have nothing negative to say in regards to torturing your children by embarrassing them or scaring the ever lovin' shit out of them. It's our right as parents and human beings and I say don't apologize for it make it part of your parenting agenda. Who Does That?!
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