I'm thinking I don't like Neighbors

I have since moved again, but this was an old post I liked.


We moved into what I would thought was a great little neighborhood.  I have decided neighborhoods breed contempt.  After living in the middle of nowhere and enjoying being loud as I wanted when I wanted, letting my kids run around naked while they were being potty trained and playing pool with my friends after midnight ... gasp ... I realize that with all the added benefits of being in a city with more than 10,000 people in it there are a few setbacks that make moving to the Love Canal more appealing than a condo in Dubai.

I have decided people with no sense of humor piss me off.  I just want to punch them in their frowny faces.  Which is not funny, but does make me laugh.  My kids decide that it's spring break and by god boredom is going to force them to participate in a lot of nonsense, but ding dong ditching is funny and I'd rather they do that then spray paint the side of the elementary school.

They are taping themselves recreating a gag they saw on youtube with an invisible rope that they pretend to put across the road and screw with the people trying to enter our neighborhood.  Then they roll on the grass laughing their asses off high fiving each other about how clever they are. I LOVE it.

So...  for the most part people are laughing, commenting "old joke boys" and one lady that was strolling with her head phones on actually jumped over the invisible rope and kept walking. Classic.  These people know that they are living in a neighborhood where 11 and 12 year old boys are playing harmless pranks instead of snorting heroin and screwing the babysitter.  And if you don't think that's happening I suggest you get your dumb ass up from your desk on your lunch hour and check on the kids you left at home.  That being said don't start whining to me about having a career doesn't make you a bad parent.  Right, but if you think your little angels are not getting into trouble when you're gone you are fooling yourself all the way to the abortion clinic.

Back to moron's with no sense of humor.  We live in the greatest country on the planet, medical technology is on a path to keep us alive well into our 200th birthdays and Hitler and Stallin are in hell now fighting over who's gonna make Osama Bin Laden their bitch.  There's a lot to be happy about.  So pull that sideways dorito out of your ass and lighten up Frances. Since when is egging your high school rival's car not funny anymore?  Everything's a trade off people, so would you like your house robbed or toilet papered?

Pranks are funny and I suggest you lighten up because I'd hate to have to set a bag of dog shit on fire on your front porch.

Okay.  The dog shit prank is a bit much.  Who Does That?!